Having a child "on the spectrum" is both beautiful + brutal.
(This word is totally stolen from here)
For our sweet girl, the wins are always so much sweeter, like when she surprises us by naming ALL the colors of the mini eggs in the bag, when she actually greets a random person without any prompting, when her EA tells us that she "has really noticed Matea's eye contact is improving ALOT!" - and secretly you high five your inner mama self because we have been "working on" knowing our colors, and you have been driving yourself CRAZY always trying to get her to look you in the eye! High fives all around!
And of course the lows are just that low. They are brutal. Waking up at 4 am and not being able to soothe her back to sleep - then your day just starts at 4 in the morning. When you quickly turn your head to grab everyone's cups so they can have something to drink with lunch (Daddy is standing in line getting lunch) and when you turn back you realize in the 3.4 seconds your little blond tornado has carried out "the great escape" and is now sitting with an East Indian family in the adjoining dining area, it's funny now but at the time you are so terrified because she doesn't talk, wouldn't tell anyone her name, and could be gone forever in a matter of seconds.....brutal.
So for me (and this is JUST for me) I tend to hang onto the "beautiful". And when I say "hang on" I mean absolutely, unequivocally CLING to the moments. When I am sitting in IPP meetings, or having transition phone calls with the vice principal, when I am discussing our sweet girls "behaviors, which I don't even recognize as behaviors anymore, or listening to something inappropriate she might have done at Pre-K that day. So instead of getting lost in some of the brutal, I grab hold and refuse to let go of all HER beautiful....
♥
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