I know my husband wants me to "not worry about it" and "let it go" but I am struggling with these suggestions so instead I choose to do this....
Dear Mother at "Tot Time" today,
I don't really know where to start as, truthfully, there were so many offensive statements that you made in our four minute encounter. First I will say that I feel for you. Your husband works away for many days out of the month and I have no idea what that must be like. I depend on my partner for SO MANY things in day - from text messages to last minute ingredients for the supper I am making (because lets be honest, popping into the grocery store with my gang, not gonna happen), and I am sorry that yours is not there to help support you every night. That must be difficult. This, however, is still not an excuse for being rude. When you remarked that you "knew me from somewhere.....oh there it is, your voice, and how you talk to your daughter, does that actually help?" I understand that you were making reference to the fact that my voice gets a little higher (and possibly too sing song-y) as I make an effort to not have a super annoyed voice with my daughter as this is not beneficial for her, she shuts down, she will cover her face with her hands, she is a kid who doesn't respond well to a harsh voice - and I told you, yes it does help, with all of my children. You see, when you give instructions to your child, maybe once or twice and then they follow through, I might have to encourage Matea, or ask 3,4, or 5 times, or even model for her. And my little ones are sensitive, don't get me wrong, they don't cry in the corner the minute they skin their knee, but from a very young age we have always told all three of them - "you need to be kind", so yelling at her to put the ball in the bin 7 times, isn't really being kind. When you asked "Is she on the spectrum"...well that's just not something that you ask people, in my opinion, it would be the equivalent of me asking you what you weigh, and having you respond....over a loud speaker. When I answered yes, and you responded "yeah I figured as much....". What I wanted to say was "Really? Why? Because she is scooting around in a car making sure not to run over any of the other children who are playing? Is it because she is running back and forth from one end of the gym to the other.....like 3 other children? Or it must be because she protested when your son two hand pushed her little brother....for the third time." But instead I smiled and walked away.
What I would like you to know is, it's hard for us. I'm sure I looked like a hot mess walking into the gym with three little people, and a "stand in" helper (my brother who was awesome today when our regular helper couldn't make it) pushing a stroller FULL of books (because we just went to the library), and jackets, and snacks - with a baby on my hip, and a beautiful blond tornado hanging onto my one hand that was pushing a stroller, and an energetic seven year old bopping along beside us. But just getting there is hard for us, and talking to a total stranger about my daughter's diagnosis is hard for me, and when someone can see that someone else is fighting a battle just to get the little things done (like going to "Tot Time") perhaps not the best time to tell her her voice is high and annoying....because you are tired, and your husband works away and your son is the two hand pusher. You need to be kind :)
♥
